By Joyce DeWallace, Contributing Writer
Westborough – The December day in 1989 was cold, but beautiful. When Gretchen Helm borrowed her husband's car to run some errands, the Rev. Dr. Norman Helm, pastor of the Congregational Church of Westborough, planned to walk the short distance to his office to prepare for a funeral. That walk proved life changing.
Helm was hit by a car while crossing the street near the intersection of West Main and Charles streets. The accident caused him major head and brain trauma, along with several fractures. The brain injury also left him virtually deaf. He lived, but was no longer able to fulfill his myriad responsibilities for his parish. He resigned from the church in 1991, and the Helms moved to Albuquerque, N.M.
Both the Helms had earned doctorates while in Massachusetts, hers in psychology and his in theology.? Gretchen wrote her first book, “How to Claim Your Power – The Critical Step Beyond Survival,” based on her dissertation and the co-counseling workshops she had done with her husband. She then took a job as the youth and family counseling director for the Albuquerque District Court.
Norm remained at home, and very quickly Gretchen realized that there were many losses as a result of the accident. Things were not getting better. She had to deal with his short-term memory loss; he had to deal with the loss of his profession. Over time, Norm lost his ability to drive. He was no longer interested in reading. Gradually he descended into the world of trauma-induced dementia. When he started a fire in the kitchen in 1992, Gretchen felt she could no longer work outside the home.
In 1993, they built a bed and breakfast on the property so she could be at home with her husband. It gave them a little bit of a life together, as well as a way to make a living. Eventually, they sold that place in the Southwest, and at the urging of Gretchen's daughter, moved to North Carolina. By this time, Gretchen was working with a therapist to help deal with the situation and was urged to write another book, this time about her experience in dealing with her husband's very serious injury-related issues.
This resulted in her second book, “The Birds Will Sing Again: Facing Life's Challenges Together,” written with the goal of helping other people in similar situations.
“I made so many mistakes,” she said. “I hope I can help others avoid some of them.”
She shares anecdotes, both sad and funny, while explaining how the couple has coped with so many challenges.
“Our experiences have made us stronger; we try to celebrate the joys of each day.”
With Norm's deteriorating health, the Helms moved yet again in 2009, this time to Maryland to be near daughter Kristin. By February of 2011, Norm went into an assisted living facility. Gretchen visits every day, arriving by 9 a.m. to get him up and take him to breakfast. They spend time together, eating lunch, perhaps watching a movie and visiting with others. By 2:30 p.m., Gretchen goes home. In the hallways and public rooms, Norm often stops to counsel others and offer an on-the-spot prayer. In her book, Gretchen wrote a chapter that she titled, “Norm's Final Ministry.”
A recent letter from the facility where he resides summed up Norm as he is living today.
“He has adjusted so well to his new surroundings and loves to make his way around the different houses chatting with the people he passes along the way. Everyone knows Norm. He has quite a sense of humor, and we love giggling at his “Norm sayings.” But as quick as he can be silly, he stops and prays the most beautiful prayers for one of his neighbors. As you know, he has led some beautiful prayers at our church services as well. What an honor to have a retired pastor in our Somerford family!”
Gretchen would be thrilled to hear from any members of their former church. If interested, write to the Helms at Somerford Place, 8220 Snowden River Parkway, Columbia, MD 21045.